The world can sometimes be a frightening place for young children. Things that seem perfectly normal and safe for us as adults may appear harmful and dangerous for children. Parents have to understand that fear is a normal human emotion, that all children have fears at some point in their lives, and that they are a normal part of development. With the help and care of his parents, a child can understand his fears and learn to cope with them.
The main reasons for children's fears
Dr. Tamer Goueli, lecturer of psychiatry at Cairo University, categorizes them as follows:
Dr. Tamer Goueli, lecturer of psychiatry at Cairo University, categorizes them as follows:
1) Fear of strangers
A child will start to recognize that there are people who are close to him and others who are not. This is the beginning of
'strangers anxiety.'
A child will start to recognize that there are people who are close to him and others who are not. This is the beginning of
'strangers anxiety.'
2) Separation anxiety
and School phobia
The fear of strangers later translates itself into 'separation anxiety,' which is a fear of separation from the mother or caretaker, and the fear of a different environment that the child is not used to. Separation anxiety is normal until the age of six, and can then develop into 'school phobia' which is an illness, not just a fear. School phobia should subside in the first three years of school. If not, then professional psychological help may be needed.
The fear of strangers later translates itself into 'separation anxiety,' which is a fear of separation from the mother or caretaker, and the fear of a different environment that the child is not used to. Separation anxiety is normal until the age of six, and can then develop into 'school phobia' which is an illness, not just a fear. School phobia should subside in the first three years of school. If not, then professional psychological help may be needed.
3) Acquired fears
Fear of monsters, darkness, ghosts, certain toys, loud noises, etc. are examples of acquired fears, as they are acquired through learning. For example, if a child sees a scary movie about monsters, violence or darkness, the child will be afraid and will associate this 'thing' (darkness, monsters etc.) with fear. Dr. Goueli explains that the brain learns by association during a young age. For example, if a child learns to feel secure by 'seeing,' he has to have a clear field of vision all the time. Darkness threatens a child's vision, and as a consequence threatens his sense of security since he is used to seeing the people he knows and feels safe with.
According to Dr. Goueli, 'Acquired fears can also be related to the environment.' For example, children in rural areas may not be afraid of farm animals as they are surrounded by them constantly, whereas they may be scared of ghosts, a topic that is often discussed in rural areas in Egypt. Children who live in the city on the other hand may be afraid of farm animals because they are not familiar with them.
Fear of monsters, darkness, ghosts, certain toys, loud noises, etc. are examples of acquired fears, as they are acquired through learning. For example, if a child sees a scary movie about monsters, violence or darkness, the child will be afraid and will associate this 'thing' (darkness, monsters etc.) with fear. Dr. Goueli explains that the brain learns by association during a young age. For example, if a child learns to feel secure by 'seeing,' he has to have a clear field of vision all the time. Darkness threatens a child's vision, and as a consequence threatens his sense of security since he is used to seeing the people he knows and feels safe with.
According to Dr. Goueli, 'Acquired fears can also be related to the environment.' For example, children in rural areas may not be afraid of farm animals as they are surrounded by them constantly, whereas they may be scared of ghosts, a topic that is often discussed in rural areas in Egypt. Children who live in the city on the other hand may be afraid of farm animals because they are not familiar with them.
4) The parents
Without realizing, parents may be the cause of their child's fears. They may expose their child to scary stories (either told by them or by a caretaker), allow unsupervised exposure to the TV, radio or internet, carelessly discuss issues beyond his understanding in front of him, or they may have their own fears themselves (such as from darkness, ghosts, etc.) which they transmit to their child.
Without realizing, parents may be the cause of their child's fears. They may expose their child to scary stories (either told by them or by a caretaker), allow unsupervised exposure to the TV, radio or internet, carelessly discuss issues beyond his understanding in front of him, or they may have their own fears themselves (such as from darkness, ghosts, etc.) which they transmit to their child.
5) The surroundings
A child may be afraid of staying home alone or being supervised by an older sibling without the presence of a parent or a known caretaker, especially if this older sibling is bullying or scaring him, due to jealousy.
A child may be afraid of staying home alone or being supervised by an older sibling without the presence of a parent or a known caretaker, especially if this older sibling is bullying or scaring him, due to jealousy.
6) Painful experiences
The exposure of a child to a painful experience such as the illness of a close family member, or a death in the family can cause fear and may even be considered as a reason for depression later in life.
The exposure of a child to a painful experience such as the illness of a close family member, or a death in the family can cause fear and may even be considered as a reason for depression later in life.
7) Marital conflicts
Marital conflicts are 'a major source of insecurity for the child, and can be displaced in another object [such as] a [particular] toy, darkness, etc. This is an associated fear, where the object is not the primary source of fear.'
Marital conflicts are 'a major source of insecurity for the child, and can be displaced in another object [such as] a [particular] toy, darkness, etc. This is an associated fear, where the object is not the primary source of fear.'
8) Lack of knowledge
A child's lack of knowledge and understanding of concepts is another common cause of fear. For example, a child may not understand the concept of joking. An adult may jokingly tease him about how cute his little fingers are and that he (the adult) will 'take' them with him. The child may take this statement literally and be afraid of the adult and the situation.
A child's lack of knowledge and understanding of concepts is another common cause of fear. For example, a child may not understand the concept of joking. An adult may jokingly tease him about how cute his little fingers are and that he (the adult) will 'take' them with him. The child may take this statement literally and be afraid of the adult and the situation.
9) Becoming
independent
As a child begins to gain independence, such as when he first starts walking, he may begin to feel scared. The child soon realizes that just as he can 'walk away' from his mother or caretaker, they can also 'walk away' from him. It is difficult at first for him to feel secure during these changes.
As a child begins to gain independence, such as when he first starts walking, he may begin to feel scared. The child soon realizes that just as he can 'walk away' from his mother or caretaker, they can also 'walk away' from him. It is difficult at first for him to feel secure during these changes.
Calming Children's Fears
Listen to your child
Allow your child to acknowledge and discuss his fears. Respect your child's feelings and accept his fear without judging or ridiculing him, because for your child these fears are very real. This is the most effective way to help your child cope.
Allow your child to acknowledge and discuss his fears. Respect your child's feelings and accept his fear without judging or ridiculing him, because for your child these fears are very real. This is the most effective way to help your child cope.
Tackle school-related fears
Dr. Goueli explains that parents should approach 'school fears' directly. They should find out if their child is being bullied at school, if a teacher is approaching him in an aggressive way, if he is incapable of handling competition, or if he is having other problems. Sensitive children may be especially vulnerable. At the beginning, school is a scary place to be, and to help a child overcome this fear, a collaborative effort between the parents and the school is essential. Another reason for this problem may also be that the mother herself is experiencing 'separation anxiety' which is reflecting on the child.
Dr. Goueli explains that parents should approach 'school fears' directly. They should find out if their child is being bullied at school, if a teacher is approaching him in an aggressive way, if he is incapable of handling competition, or if he is having other problems. Sensitive children may be especially vulnerable. At the beginning, school is a scary place to be, and to help a child overcome this fear, a collaborative effort between the parents and the school is essential. Another reason for this problem may also be that the mother herself is experiencing 'separation anxiety' which is reflecting on the child.
Empower your child by gradual exposure
Gradually expose your child to the feared object, situation or animal. By repetition of exposure, the child will understand whatever it is that he is afraid of, and the reason for fear will no longer exist. For example, if a child is scared of cats, a parent can gradually expose him by taking him to a place where there's a cat, and have him look at it from far. After some time the child may pat the cat, then feed it, etc. This should be done very gradually, and in this way the child is given some control over his 'feared object' to help him understand and handle his fears.
Gradually expose your child to the feared object, situation or animal. By repetition of exposure, the child will understand whatever it is that he is afraid of, and the reason for fear will no longer exist. For example, if a child is scared of cats, a parent can gradually expose him by taking him to a place where there's a cat, and have him look at it from far. After some time the child may pat the cat, then feed it, etc. This should be done very gradually, and in this way the child is given some control over his 'feared object' to help him understand and handle his fears.
Help your child master his imagination
'Let your child talk about his imaginative fears,' advises Dr. Goueli, 'and try to make them pleasant or funny. Basically, you want to take the fearful objectand... for example a monster, and actually use it to help the child 'master' his imagination, and therefore [overcome] his fears.' For example, the imaginary monster can be made to look funny by wearing a big, colorful hat or dressed as a clown.
'Let your child talk about his imaginative fears,' advises Dr. Goueli, 'and try to make them pleasant or funny. Basically, you want to take the fearful objectand... for example a monster, and actually use it to help the child 'master' his imagination, and therefore [overcome] his fears.' For example, the imaginary monster can be made to look funny by wearing a big, colorful hat or dressed as a clown.
Remove the source of fear
Whenever practical or possible, acknowledge the factors that are responsible for your child's fear, such as loud noises, media exposure, marital conflicts, etc. and then eliminate them.
Whenever practical or possible, acknowledge the factors that are responsible for your child's fear, such as loud noises, media exposure, marital conflicts, etc. and then eliminate them.
Be aware of your own fears
Parents should be aware of their own fears and should effectively deal with them so as not to transmit them to their children. If mishandled, a parent's fear of the dark for instance, where the mother can't sleep except with the lights on, can very easily be transmitted to the child. If this fear has been transmitted to the child, then the parent who does not have this fear should be the one to
Parents should be aware of their own fears and should effectively deal with them so as not to transmit them to their children. If mishandled, a parent's fear of the dark for instance, where the mother can't sleep except with the lights on, can very easily be transmitted to the child. If this fear has been transmitted to the child, then the parent who does not have this fear should be the one to
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